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> 10/5/24 Just checking in

> 5/4/24 Inflammation is almost gone. Damn. That was a painful... 2 weeks? a bit more maybe. And just to think it all happened because of an ointment that was supposed to help.
On the other hand, i took a week off and i'm going to sleep and play gw2.

> 1/4/24 I am somewhat bravely fighting a terrible irritation on my skin.

> 27/1/24 I remember finding this "album" maybe 2-3 years, maybe even longer time ago and unironically loving it. Forgot about it somehow, when my phase for looking for obscure music online faded.
I found it recently while exploring my absolute unit of bookmarks collection and damn, that thing is unironically great lol.
Like, listen to "You Keep Me Hanging On" and tell me this isn't well sung, say that to my face! Well, except the woOOoOOOoh part maybe, that just adorable :D Or you know what? All the woOOoOOOohs are sweet too! I think it's honestly better than the original.
And the ridiculous "stories" in the comments about the "band", a shame that a lot of these gems are gone, as this is not the original. Btw, there is a soundcloud of these.

> 18/1/24 Is this section even valid?
Maybe this part should be redone to contain other stuff or just removed.

> 1/1/24 Yay, a new year! *sips beer*
I would say it was an "eventful" year. Learned a bit of html and css, found a nice job and left a previous collapsing one, got rid of some useless stuff, made some cool drawings, set up a website here, and more, small personal things... I even bought myself a warm jacket. I couldn't afford one before so i would put on 2-3 sweatshirts and a thin jacket i had for winter. Recently i also learned that, if i don't message my friends, it's absolutely silent. But hey, that always happened before, i should have learned.
I never was content with myself, but at least i am peaceful at this time. I know these "feats" are nothing. For me, the achievement for this year is just being peaceful, that i can play my fav mmo now, buy food i like and sleep. It's so quiet here, i love it. I don't care if i will be called an npc for this. I haven't felt so calm in years. I am finally resting. Do i deserve to rest? Probably not. But i don't care at the moment. Now exuse me while i go take a sweet cozy nap.

> 12/12/23 I decided to switch to something else with my playlists. I mean, it's still using YouTube uploads, just like Invidious. I refuse to use Spotify lol. I mean, I could make a Funkwhale instance, but I'm too dumb to set up a server, so no. I am also trying to do some other stuff, while progress on my animation is halted ever since I announced it's in progress. Apart from that, not much to update on - I'm just drifting from one day to the next. I'm trying to force myself to create something again, but just don't have energy for anything.

> 19/11/23 Christmas are coming, i am worried. I hate christmas

> 09/11/23 I found this super interesting blog entry about some physics, some maths, and (puts tinfoil hat on) matrix :)
Although i am not very good at physics in general, this stuff fascinates me.
I wanted to write some philosophical rambling here, but it made no sense. Enjoy the above post tho.

> 04/11/23 Hello! Long time no see.
I guess i was busy being angry at work and playing after work...
Why would i be angry at work?
Imagine asking a helpdesk ticket handler what is your office address, or imagine other the most dumb thing that comes to your mind.
It happens there every damn day...

So as i got a new laptop i am actually able to play my beloved Guild Wars 2 like a human being and i'm in love with it. And to think it is posible to have quick loading times and no lags! Actually did a lot of cool stuff, which is not important here.
Also restocked on my drawing inks, made some cool colors, and made one painting after a break. Taking into consideration that break, it's kind of cool. I just have to take a nice photo in natural light so i can upload it here.
Not sure about the future tho. I mean, i'm here. I'm doing my thing, or not if i'm too tired. And what's next?
I just want to wrap myslef in a blanket and sleep it all through.

> 29/09/23 Apparently someone i knew way back in school as a kid is trying to find me now. Someone told me this.
We haven't talked for years, probably because i was a weird kid. I very distinctively remember one moment when i sat next to that person and they immediately left, that's when i realized we don't really like each other anymore.
Why would someone remember about me now and try to find me? Good thing i made sure it's not easy a long time ago...

> 31/08/23 Why do i have to be like this?
Useless and dumb
I hoped i'd get better at more "challenging" job.
Turns out i'm just a useless trash unable to do anything correctly.
I wish i were normal, i really do.
I don't know what to do at this point.

> 15/08/23 Oh my
It's 2am, i have a vacation today (tomorrow? in the morning) and i just finished setting up the laptop :D Half of my install istruction file was outdated, so that was fun. My beloved animation plugin was archived, but Debian package with all the files is still out there! And this thing works! I'm in love with led keyboard lol. I don't really believe that yet...

> 12/08/23 Hello, it's me again.
This week has been almost peaceful. I had to stay entire week at the office, but it was alright. There's a huge difference when you don't crawl already tired to work at the end of the week. I even slept well on Tuesday. I really wish that happened more often. Chronic migraine ruined half of my weekend, but there's still Sunday around.
Guys, you have no idea how much it brightens my day when i visit your cool websites and i see someone linking back to me. "Oh, that cool and talented person enjoyed my website enough to link it on their website :)". I feel a bit less useless. Thanks :)

> 04/08/23 I'm in that weird state between kind of knowing how to do something and butchering everything to such an extent i want to throw away my tablet and uninstall gimp forever.
Thing is, i've been doing these for quite some time. And while yes, i went from total zero to someting, it's still... not enough? It's so weird, i try but it's all in vain.
I truly admire people who have the willpower and concentration to fully commit and create something big in relatively short time.

> 30/07/23 Damn, it's tiring to first stay at regular 9/5 job, then after just a few hours go straight for the nightshift. Don't do that. Spare yourself the tiredness throught what's left of the weekend.
I seriously think i'm just not meant to talk to people and be friends with anyone. "Text me whenever you feel bored". I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean. Do people think i talk to them when i'm bored? I try my best to convince myself that whatever i have to say won't be a useless piece of information, immediately dismissed and me ignored... But maybe that is the case? I don't know. And i will most likely never know. I'm kind of used to "friends" dropping contact as soon as possible - at the graduation from university for example. Or when someone better shows up. And i can't blame these people to be honest... who would want to be around an awkward weird autist anyway?
I remember when i joined a specific forum. Lurked for a while. Super kind and understanding people. I made a post, a bit of an introduction, a bit of question related to the topic. No one answered. Bad luck...
While Ian is just super kind and very accepting, Joseph feels like an outcast himself, so there's a bit of understanding here. But you know what? Yes, you do! There's no way of meeting someone who'd tolerate me to such an extent. My one friend lives at the other end of the country, two don't exist at all. Maybe somewhere in another universe, assuming that's the case? Nice.

> 26/07/23 Again?

> 22/07/23 Glad I saved contents of my playlists on screenshots, because the instance with them got shut down by the owner lol. Not that anybody would care about some dumb random's top favorite songs anyway. Links are just gonna stay as placeholders for now.

> 21/07/23 Prepared all configs and files and getting ready to soon get a new laptop :> I can't believe I will actually be able to play some of my favorite games like human being...
Also prepared a first batch of items to sell. Even if I don't manage to move to another place, getting rid of some stuff will be much better than keeping a bunch of full boxes.
Man, while working as a helpdesk/ticket handler I learned how dumb people can be... and I have barely started! (ノ゚ο゚)ノ

> 20/07/23 I want to create something, do something.
I feel horrible. I wish I could just turn my brain off and stop all those things and thoughts pestering me. I cannot even smoke a cigarette in peace. I wish I was looking out to something else than sleeping. And coffe only makes it feel faster!
(oh, i was supposed to migrate those playlists...)

> 24/06/23 So that's why Invidious is barely working lately.
I guess I have to migrate my playlists somewhere.
Can you imagine being so damn greedy and butthurt about people minding their own business?
I honestly really want to create a server and host some cool instances... but guess a ~12 year old laptop is not the best for that

> 23/06/23 Because my now main job (no, myself) made me so furious and sad, I decided not to go to another, the nice one, tonight. I just wanted to wait this out and calm down. I feel kinda bad about it. I haven't seen those people in weeks.
Weird how I made a separate page for some dumb rantings, huh? I think it's weird too, I'm not someone worth following. I guess I just like yelling out into the void.

> 22/06/23 Seems like it's up.
Man, I hate my job, it reminds me of how retarded I am. And the worst part is, I have nowhere else to go. Yeah, working remotely sometimes and food at work is cool, but you know what's also cool? Not fucking crying over it constantly. And to imagine no one fucking believes me. "Oh you can do it, don't be so dramatic!" Try to function with barely working brain and then tell me about being dramatic...

> 19/06/23 Secret entry: The draft for this looks good, the beer is tasty, my head hurts, and I just need to draw something for this page.

> 18/06/23 Did you know you can buy church incense? On those little sticks?

> 05/06/23 Maybe it won't be so bad? So far i didn't mess anything up.

> 30/05/23 I hoped for the new job to be nice, but so far it's just a dumpster fire of stuff malfunctioning and me being retarded. Why do i have to be here.

> 09/05/23 The dread is overwhelming.

> 07/05/23 My higherup managed to absolutely ruin my two last shifts at the job I love by sending me to another location, which is super weird and hostile. Hanged out with some friends after, but the disappointment remains.

> 11/04/23 I survived Easter, but my phone did not. RIP my 7yo phone and data on it.

> 07/04/23 There are so many pics hidden under content warning here, I might just make a separate section for them.

> 26/03/23 Whoa, 5.000 views, thanks!

> 25/03/23 Ignore the previous entry. Even though I probably got the new job, everything feels simply wrong.

> 19/03/23 I have a sudden urge to improve my life.

> 15/03/23 One job interview done. Man, I cannot form sentences whem I'm stressed. I think I don't have any chances. Another one tomorrow. I also have about 4 hours of sleep before night shift.

> 12/03/23 I have 2 job interviews this week. I will probably fail anyway. I love my current job, but I also want some financial stability and live alone.

> 12/03/23 I will either ditch this idea or move it to separate page.